How To: East Coast Malaysia to East India in (About) 24 hours
Pre-Trip:
To prepare properly, get a room with a television- an oddity for the past seven months. Stay up very late (1am) watching an unwatchable "scary" "Lifetime*"-ish sitcom called Ghost Whisperer. (I've lost my ability to recognize decent television, and apparently the ability to lie about it.) Further prepare for the long journey by staying up until 2 am chastising yourself for the regression. Writing "I will not watch original Lifetime* television" 500 times is optional. *Note: this has not been confirmed.
Further, given the ease of sleeping in danger cars, packed commuter subway trains, planes, and airport lounges, don't worry at all sleep. Three hours will be plenty! No matter the unexpected bi-century insect convention in your room and rubbish bin.
The Trip:
1. The day begins! You must walk from the small beach town where you had a lovely time in a lovely chalet (photos available on request, and are to remain confidential) to the nearby highway. Getting started by 9am does not preclude you from solar cauterizations.
2. Still, you're waiting at the side of the road perky and ready TO GO and flag down a bus. But to ensure humility you are somehow too shocked and timid to even raise a hand at the two buses that pass within five minutes of your arrival.
3. Suck it up, and get ready, because this time, you're ready to flail as necessary, to charm the brakes off something. An hour later- still no buses.
4. Just when the worrying sets in, a car stops, takes you in with an offer of a ride for a decent price.
5. The bus station arrival in Town Two is much quicker than expected- the family asks a lot of questions and enjoys barreling down slim roadways with hairpin turns. And the two tiny children in the backseat alternate sleeping with walking around. They are also immune to funny faces. Which may be an unknown effect of Muslim culture on youth. Or you're not funny. It is likely the former.
6. Within 13 minutes of arriving at the bus station, figure out which company has the best bus, buy a ticket, find/order/eat/pay the bill, find a restroom and bus rations, and board the bus.
7. To keep team spirits high, spend the first 45 minutes of the bus ride silently gloating and wondering why no one has commended your ability to VERY QUICKLY walk, find toilets, eat rice, etc. Briefly consider writing some kind of a newsletter, but abandon the idea to avoid the inevitable pressure to "sell out" when USAToday and/or The Economist calls.
8. Finally arrive in Town Three where you will take Flight One. Besides taking a subway train in the wrong direction several stops, you're flawless, back to the old self- impressively changing the last of your Malaysian Ringgits, eating American chain fast food (Subway), finding restrooms, and even finding a post box. A year in Asia? Piece of cake.
9. Flight One: 2 hours. "Layover" in Bangkok: 10 hours (11:20pm-9:40am). Sleep situation: uncomfortable plastic chairs for 2-3 hours. Best part of the night: The airport is like a fancy mall with Cartier and Gucci shops and approximately 30 dozen duty-free cosmetics shops. (I "shoplifted" about $2,450 dollars of high-end creams on my hands.)
10. Flight Two: Jet Airways (NICE!) from Bangkok to Calcutta. Best part: using basic Bengali to greet and thank the boys who were waiting to clean up the plane upon disembarkation. They were over the moon.
As if this is news, so am I.
To prepare properly, get a room with a television- an oddity for the past seven months. Stay up very late (1am) watching an unwatchable "scary" "Lifetime*"-ish sitcom called Ghost Whisperer. (I've lost my ability to recognize decent television, and apparently the ability to lie about it.) Further prepare for the long journey by staying up until 2 am chastising yourself for the regression. Writing "I will not watch original Lifetime* television" 500 times is optional. *Note: this has not been confirmed.
Further, given the ease of sleeping in danger cars, packed commuter subway trains, planes, and airport lounges, don't worry at all sleep. Three hours will be plenty! No matter the unexpected bi-century insect convention in your room and rubbish bin.
The Trip:
1. The day begins! You must walk from the small beach town where you had a lovely time in a lovely chalet (photos available on request, and are to remain confidential) to the nearby highway. Getting started by 9am does not preclude you from solar cauterizations.
2. Still, you're waiting at the side of the road perky and ready TO GO and flag down a bus. But to ensure humility you are somehow too shocked and timid to even raise a hand at the two buses that pass within five minutes of your arrival.
3. Suck it up, and get ready, because this time, you're ready to flail as necessary, to charm the brakes off something. An hour later- still no buses.
4. Just when the worrying sets in, a car stops, takes you in with an offer of a ride for a decent price.
5. The bus station arrival in Town Two is much quicker than expected- the family asks a lot of questions and enjoys barreling down slim roadways with hairpin turns. And the two tiny children in the backseat alternate sleeping with walking around. They are also immune to funny faces. Which may be an unknown effect of Muslim culture on youth. Or you're not funny. It is likely the former.
6. Within 13 minutes of arriving at the bus station, figure out which company has the best bus, buy a ticket, find/order/eat/pay the bill, find a restroom and bus rations, and board the bus.
7. To keep team spirits high, spend the first 45 minutes of the bus ride silently gloating and wondering why no one has commended your ability to VERY QUICKLY walk, find toilets, eat rice, etc. Briefly consider writing some kind of a newsletter, but abandon the idea to avoid the inevitable pressure to "sell out" when USAToday and/or The Economist calls.
8. Finally arrive in Town Three where you will take Flight One. Besides taking a subway train in the wrong direction several stops, you're flawless, back to the old self- impressively changing the last of your Malaysian Ringgits, eating American chain fast food (Subway), finding restrooms, and even finding a post box. A year in Asia? Piece of cake.
9. Flight One: 2 hours. "Layover" in Bangkok: 10 hours (11:20pm-9:40am). Sleep situation: uncomfortable plastic chairs for 2-3 hours. Best part of the night: The airport is like a fancy mall with Cartier and Gucci shops and approximately 30 dozen duty-free cosmetics shops. (I "shoplifted" about $2,450 dollars of high-end creams on my hands.)
10. Flight Two: Jet Airways (NICE!) from Bangkok to Calcutta. Best part: using basic Bengali to greet and thank the boys who were waiting to clean up the plane upon disembarkation. They were over the moon.
As if this is news, so am I.
posted by Maya at 10:12 AM
2 Comments:
I remember doing that!
in my case, the fancy western burgers at Bangkok Airport gave me food poisoning ;)
I read your topic!But I make sure you are wrong!In this case,I can't agree with you!
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